turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
