i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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