i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
