Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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