My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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