It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
