They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
