she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
