I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize