well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
