woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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