angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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