Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize