i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
