I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
