dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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