once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
