oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
