the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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