I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
