I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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