cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
