Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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