So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
