I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he thought i was a dude.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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