I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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