Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
