He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
