Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize