oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
