I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
