how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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