Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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