so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
