I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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