sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
