last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
