Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
