man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
