It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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