Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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