A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
