hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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