So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
