sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
