i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
