i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
