Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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