How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
