I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she told me i tasted like america
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
