Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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