i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's the barista slut.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
