We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize