the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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