we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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