guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
