Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
