Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
