I think i sorta joined a cult last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize