Your dad touched me again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
