You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I lost the right to judge tonight
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
