you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
