THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
