She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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