dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
