my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
