babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
