I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Welp...herpes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
