We're facebook friends in real life
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
