I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
