it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
